The Victory in Falling Down

What an exciting time of inspiration we live in.  A few days ago the New Orleans Saints won their first Super Bowl and in a few days athletes from over 80 different countries will be gathering in Vancouver for the winter Olympics.  As I prepare to watch with the world these athletes I wonder out of all the lessons they will teach us which lesson do I think will  help us stay married forever?  Which lesson will help us create stronger, healthier and more resilient families?

There are lots of lessons families and couples can learn from these Olympians.  They will teach us the importance of integrity, how to be focused, the power of self-discipline, why excuse making can destroy any opportunity for success and the secret of integrity.  But I think the greatest lesson these Olympians will teach families and couples is how to get-up after falling down.

James, a disciple of Jesus, writes, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the

We all fall down.

testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”  As I consider the power of perseverance I am reminded of this Japanese Proverb, “Fall down seven times, get up eight times.”   Zig Ziglar says, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you handle what happens to you that’s going to make the difference.”  Notice the words that every Olympic athlete says, “The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not to win but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well.”

I remember when I was teaching Matthew how to ride his bike.  It was a get-up after falling down moment.  Actually it was several of those moments over and over.  At one time Matthew got very discouraged and he walked away from the bike.  I sat by the bike and waited patiently for his return, eventually he did.  As he approached me   he kicked the dirt while hanging his head in shame.  He walked over to the bike and kicked the tires, as if it was the bike’s fault.  I just looked at him and said, “Matthew I love you and I know you have what it takes to ride this bike.”  Eventually Matthew got back on the bike and within three minutes of getting back on the bike he was really riding his bike with no training wheels.  It was a huge moment for him and one that I sealed for him when I asked, “So what do you think would have happened if we had put your bike away when you got fell down?  He responded, “I wouldn’t be riding my bike like a big boy.”

H. Ross Perot says this about perseverance, “Most people give up just when they’re about to achieve success.  They quit on the one yard line.  They give up at the last minute of the game, one foot from a winning touchdown.”

The key to staying married forever, to creating a family that is stronger, healthier and more resilient is learning how get back up when you fall down because the reality is everyone falls down.

“When the “S” Fell Off SuperMom/Dad’s Chest”

Have you ever had one of those days when things just completely fell apart?  You know the day when you just threw your hands up in the air and fell on the floor next to the bed because you didn’t even have the energy to crawl into bed.  You know the day when you cried out to God and God asked “Could you hold on a minute” (I know that is not theologically correct, but you get the point).

Let me share one of those days with you.  Jackie, my bride of seventeen years was on one side of the house moaning and groaning while throwing-up.  On the other side of the house, my fantastic son Matthew was moaning and groaning as he was struggling with an ear infection.  I was most certainly stuck between a rock and a hard place.  Do I care for the woman I promised to love in sickness and health?  Do I care for this young child who believes his dad is a superhero?  What is a man to do?

I am sure you get the picture.

So what do you do when you are experiencing overwhelming situations in life?  What do you do when life’s downers are hammering away at your sense of confidence?  How do you stay positive and focused when it feels like you just discovered there really was no light at the end of the tunnel?

I want to suggest we do two things (there are more but can you really remember them in the midst of a situation that is eroding your confidence as a smart, wise, intelligent human being?).

1.  Focus on your success and not your failures, besides failing is an event, not a person.  And praise the Lord yesterday really did end last night, today is an entirely new day.  In my scenario with Matthew and Jackie one of my little successes that day was I didn’t throw-up when I was cleaning up the mess. (I sure hope you aren’t eating while reading this).  No matter how difficult that situation became I genuinely believed somehow, someway I would make it through.  It is amazing what happens when you focus on success and not failure.

2.  Celebrate being ordinary, think about it this way the more you remember that you put your pants on one leg at a time just like everyone else, the more you remember that you get irritated with slow drivers in the acceleration lane, or fools walking in the middle of a Wal-Mart parking lot, the more impressed you will be at how you handled extra-ordinary situations.  After an incredibly stressful extra-ordinary situation take a look around and tally up your victories – I didn’t break down and cry, I didn’t vomit, I didn’t yell…and be amazed at how such an ordinary person was able to accomplish such an extra-ordinary feat.  Of course I whined and complained (I am a man) fussed and moaned, but that just proves my ordinariness.

Give Them More Than Time

The other day I was hanging out with Matthew.  I think I was watching some of the golf tournament.  If I had been smart I would have put him in the car and drove up to Torrey Pines and enjoyed the beautiful day.  So much for being smart.

Oh well, back to the event.  I was hanging out with Matthew watching him play with his cars.  I know I said I was watching the tournament, but truthfully I was watching him play with his cars.  More specifically I was listening to him play with his cars.

As he drove his car over towards the couch I commented to him, “You know bud, I really like your imagination and creativity.  It is really fun to watch and listen to you play.”  He smiled and then he made this heartwarming profound statement back to me, “you know what I really love when you smile at me.”

I wish I had a camera so that you could see the size of my smile after that comment.  Let’s just say that if I had eaten a banana sideways it still would not have been big enough to match the size of my smile that day.

I hope you have a child as cool as mine.

So let’s start some conversation – What’s the most positive comment you ever heard from your spouse or your children?  You know the one that made your smile look like you just swallowed a banana sideways.

Mother Theresa once said, “There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.”

We often hear how much our children, our spouse, need our time and I agree with that, but I also realize that perhaps even more than time what our children and our spouse need is a smile – Go ahead give them a great big smile.

Strong and Healthy Family

Have you ever encountered a family where one child went one way and the other child went another way?  They had the same exact parents.  They lived in the same house, followed the same rules, but somehow the children went in totally opposite directions.

What happened?

Was one child more special than the other?

What about the family that by normal standards seemed to do everything right and yet when their children left home they didn’t want to have anything to do with their family?  While another family seemed to do everything wrong and yet every year the members of this family would travel across the country to spend Christmas together.  Or when one family member was in need somehow the other families members just seemed to come through for each other?

Is having a strong and healthy family really just about luck?

Often times that is the answer we give.  We will argue that there just aren’t any guarantees in life.  We all realize that we can’t force our children or our spouse to make the decisions we want them to make.  So having a strong and healthy family really is just about luck at least luck as described by Jack Canfield, the author of Success Principles

Labor

Under

Correct

Knowledge

In other words, families that have become strong and healthy have persistently Labored Under Correct Knowledge.

Is your family interested in learning more about this correct knowledge?

Is your family focusing on survival or significance?

Would you like your family to be more strong and healthy?

Then let me encourage you to check out www.staymarried4ever.com and stay posted to this blog for more information have how to create a family that is strong, healthy and resilient in the midst of life’s ups and downs.